At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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