I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
