Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
