I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
being pregnant is like rehab
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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