i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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