She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize