or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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