I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
