I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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