So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.