her facebook's as public as her vagina
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem