I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?