two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
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just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
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He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You blew him?!?!
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.