My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
