I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
