Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
