He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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