she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
