I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
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I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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