I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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