if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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