I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
