my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
