i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I don't deserve a penis
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
