No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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