It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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