It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
