im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
