Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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