I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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