and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
