Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's rum buckets o'clock
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
