I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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