its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Hippo gnu deer
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
