I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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