Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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