you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
