I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
