so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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