Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
