i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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