We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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