Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
