making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
