We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
