I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
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Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
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My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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