the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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