Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
