you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
