Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
