While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
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Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
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Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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