Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I have aggressive nipples.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
