I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
