there's paper in my vomit.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
