I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
