I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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