talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
