The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
