***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize