she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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