i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
