:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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