you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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