wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
