ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
