ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
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he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
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sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick