I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
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I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
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They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.