I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
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I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
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I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.