I am puke
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She's not a foreskin expert like you
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.