I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
