one might say we're banned from that church
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
