White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
