if i can run in heels then i can drive
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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