You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
